My Family

My Family

You might think that I'm a little too old to be writing an essay titled "My Family". However, it wasn't until recently that I was reminded how blessed I am to be a member of this family. When I went out for lunch with Wan Shin and Pau Ching the other day, they expressed their envy towards me for having such a great family, headed by a pair of supportive parents. That sort of got me thinking about it. It's not that I've never appreciated my family, but I might had took for granted that every one's family is as functional and democratic as mine is.

Sure, my family's not perfect, and we had some ugly moments and bad days. But thanks to my father and his stack of self-help books, we managed conflicts and arguments better than most families (not to offend, it's just my observations). It sort of came as a shock to me when I first discovered that not all families function like mine does.

From what I heard and observed, many of my friends'/ relatives' families are ruled by monarchy. Conversely, mine is ruled democratically. My dad genuinely takes into account what all of us have to say regarding a decision. We go by voting for most things we do together. What I like most is that, my parents rarely make major decisions for us without consulting us beforehand. For example, if one of us wants to do something but is disapproved by them, they would say, "I don't think it's a good idea. But, it's up to you. If you think you're up for it, go ahead." They do not say this in a you-better-follow-what-I-say-or-I'll- hold-it-against-you tone. They really mean it. In that way, we're fully responsible for our own decisions, and therefore be facing the consequences of our own actions.

My family is also all about planning things ahead. Most of our outings are planned a couple of days ahead, so that we're able to put aside some time during the weekends to spend time together. Besides, we do a lot of financial planning. We have 3 really frugal people in my family - Dad, Yan and I. I think we have some sort of weird satisfaction when we're able to save a few bucks. I was my Dad's first 'financial student'. He taught me to flip the price tag over and have a glance at it before even contemplating buying anything. Consequently, I'm very sensitive to the four-letter word: FREE. When Yan and Jun got older, it was I who started teaching them what Dad taught me. Unfortunately, frugality is quite incompatible with Jun's personality. Yan went a little too extreme at being frugal, though.

People often say that you're the mirror image of your parents. How you act in public portrays the attitude and personality of your parents. I must congratulate my parents for the successful upbringing of my brothers and I. It seems like I've never have had the urge to be rebellious before. I think obedience must have been drilled into my mind since I was born. I don't know why, but I seem to have huge fears for punishment and therefore, I always follow the rules.

What I never need to say to to anybody is: My parents do not understand me. I love the fact that my parents like me for who I am (not because they're forced to as I'm their offspring). They never try to clone me into them. They moulded good qualities into me and tried to get rid of my bad habits, but they never tried to change the essence that makes me me. They respect my career choice, and try to be as informed as possible about my possible career pathways. They have never pressured me into choosing a particular career, like how many parents pressured their children to become doctors (actually, my current ambition is to be a doctor, but I was not pressured into it. I chose it out of my own passion).

My relationship with my dad is fairly neutral. We rarely argue, but when we do, it's far worse than the arguments I have with my mum. I find it easier to communicate with Dad (we often have long talks about various things together, until Mum has to throw me out of their bedroom). He's a good listener and advisor, and he isn't judgemental. He's a calm and collected person, so there's rarely an emotional outburst from him. He's like the safe zone - no bombs, no sudden wars, no rocket missiles. I also absolutely love the way he knocks at my door, swings his head in and ask me how's my day after he comes home from work every day. How many Dads actually does that? However, he sometimes bore me to death with his 1001 logical reasoning, and quotes from self-help books.

With Mum, we have a lot of disagreements and conflicts, but they're always resolved with the help of The Peacemaker - Dad. Mum and I get along well enough, and she's a pretty good career advisor. She's harsh, exaggerating and hot-tempered, but she also cares deeply for the development of my whole-being. We're not exactly best friends ( I only tell her things she needs to know), but I love the way she comes unexpectedly into my room, sits on my bed and starts talking to me while I'm scribbling away at my homework. She also remembers the little things I love and buys them as surprise gifts for me every now and then - Beryl's dark chocolates, those cute little Panda biscuits with chocolate filling, photo albums etc.

With Yan and Jun, I must accept the fact that they'll always be closer to each other compared to with me. They're twins, so I guess it's normal. However, I sometimes feel quite isolated as the odd one out. Dad has Mum; Yan has Jun; I'm with myself. I often talk to myself before going to bed (I'm NOT insane), because I'm the only person in my bedroom. For all I care, I can switch the bedroom lights on and off repeatedly and no one's going to shout at me to cut it out. During weekend nights, three of us will talk in their bedroom till past midnight. What is said in their bedroom, stays in their bedroom. We rarely remember anything about our long talks, unless it's something significant.

What I love and also hate about Yan is his inquisitiveness. He likes to ask hypothetical questions, and you have to answer them repeatedly as he always fail to catch it the first time although he has a sharp mind. I sometimes wonder if he does it intentionally to irritate people. It always drives me up the wall, and thus I seldom answer him the second time he asks the same question. We're both practical, no-nonsense people, so I guess I'm more compatible with Yan compared to Jun. We often have heated discussions over dinner regarding world affairs, while Jun remains blissfully ignorant unless it involved the word "football", "Christiano Ronaldo" or 'wife". As I said, Yan is extremely frugal and loves hypothetical questions, for example:

"Do you want children?" He asked me.

"Of course," I replied.

"How many?"

"Minimum 2, maximum 3. Why do you ask?"

"Because I don't want any," he said.

"Why? Are you afraid that your wife is going to die of childbirth complications or something?" I was shocked.

"No. Because having children is a waste of money. Do you realise that you spend at least 1 million on each child?"

"But..."

"Do you think Mum and Dad will mind if I don't give them grandchildren?"

"I guess not. Jun's bound to produce offspring, even if both of us don't do so. I bet he's the first of us to get married, anyway."

"If you have children, are you going to buy them toy cars and Barbie dolls? He asked me.

"Hmm...no. It's a waste of money." I answered him after some thought.

"Then what will you buy for them?"

"Educational toys like puzzles and Lego, I guess." I said.

"Well, I'm not buying any. It's a waste of money."

Needless to say, he has completely forgotten his earlier decision of not having any children.

Jun and I might be incompatible sometimes, but I love the way he sidles up to me and apologize using those big, sorrowful eyes of his. Sometimes though, I like to play around and pretend to not forgive him. He's a sensitive, caring and loving brother, despite his stubbornness. Like Yan, he likes to ask hypothetical questions about family too:

"Are you living in Malaysia when you grow up?" He asked.

"Maybe." I shrugged.

"I'm going to live next to Yan Yan next time." He stated.

"What if your wife and Yan's wife are enemies?"

"Then, I'll divorce her. Yan Yan is more important."

Huh. I doubt that will ever happen. Him choosing Yan over his wife? He who used to say that his crush is prettier and slimmer than me? Huh. Huh.

And thus, this is my family. We might each have our little quirks and habits, but we're still a strong family. We stick together through thick and thin, we're each other's support system, and that's what's most important. (Sounds corny, but it's true)