The Point of No Return

Recently, I've heard of news that my primary school classmate, X, has embarked on the journey of marriage life due to unexpected pregnancy. You know, I've heard and read about many stories involving knocked-up teenagers being forced into early marriage. But, there's a different feeling to it when that teenager has some sort of connection with you, however scarce that connection is. I was never really close to X during my primary school years, but I knew her and was in the same classroom environment with her for 6 years. I simply can't imagine someone who is the same age as I, was in the same school, same class with me being pregnant with a baby. She is going to be a mother at the young age of 17. There's an odd feeling that I can't fathom, and it triggers me to think more seriously about the devastating consequences of pre-marital sex.

X's unexpected pregnancy serves as a reminder for me, to never commit to sexual activities if I have no ability to rear myself, let alone a breathing, eating child. I've always have strong objections to pre-marital sex. Regardless of how much I love the guy, love does not necessarily have to involve sex. If I were to have a boyfriend now, I want a relationship based on a strong emotional connection, rather than mere physical. It is the journey of growing up together, exploring hidden depths of our personalities and experimenting with romance that I seek for, instead of passionate-no-boundaries sort of kissing, caressing and probing of hands to inappropriate body parts, which ultimately leads to sex. Although in Western cultures, pre-marital sex is a no-big-deal issue and is commonly practised by many, I feel that it is my responsibility as a Chinese to uphold my Eastern cultures with rigorousness and honor.

In truth, I would much rather prefer to be jeered at as the last virgin or old-fashioned than to be pregnant in a messed-up relationship and no income to support myself. As women, I think that saving ourselves for our future husband is the right thing to do. It's the best wedding present we can give to our husbands - an untarnished reputation, entirely clean and untouched. If the guy you're currently in a relationship with genuinely cares and loves you, he would be willing to wait. If not, well, he's not worth it anyway. No point risking pregnancy, STDs, emotional distress and possible ruining of life just so he would say, "I really, really love you." Will he still feels the same for you when you're all ballooned up and waddling like a duck? I seriously doubt it. Three's a crowd.

Hypothetically, if I were the messed-up, knocked-up teenager, I would rather be a single mother than marry the father of my child. What's the point, when it is inevitable that both of us would meet other people in our late twenties, consequently divorcing? It is naive and foolish to think that he would stick around, playing the role of devoted father when he is as immature as he was 3 years back. I might even opt for abortion, even though it is the most selfish and cruel thing to do. I will be scarred for life, a damaged soul. Therefore, I pray to God that I'll never have to make that sort of decision, and that I can be strong-willed enough to resist pre-marital sex.

Abort or no abort, it is the point of no return. You'll always see your life as the phase before you got knocked-up (where your only worries were split hair-ends and SPM), and the phase after you realized about your pregnancy. I wish X good luck with her marriage and baby. This will not be an easy road for her - she not only has to face the discrimination of society, but also her own insecurities and fears of her unmapped future. Deep down though, I feel grateful to my parents for culturing in me good values, and that it is not me who's standing at that point of no return.