Career Options?

Career Options?

I've been spending the last few days in complete hedonistic culture. My butt has certainly been parked on the couch for 4 hours straight, with the TV blaring away.

The thing is, I'm quite distracted with the 'what-happens-after- SPM' question. Classmates around me are busy filling out as many scholarship forms as they can, photostatting important documents and stuff. Yet, I haven't applied for even one. It seems like I'm putting all my hopes on JPA scholarship. I might apply for local matriculation (just an option), but after serious consideration, my education pathway after SPM would most probably be A-levels. I want to give myself time to think that if being a doctor is truly what I want, rather than rush into it and regret later. I don't want to be the person who when asked, 'How was you day?', answers 'I HATE my job. I HATE my BOSS who's definitely from HELL. I WANT to QUIT but I can't because I'm BROKE." Another reason is that , I want the time and chance to do community service. Being a doctor is about serving and helping others - charity work will give me part of the experience.

I honestly think that everyone chose their careers way too early in life. Have anyone realised that at age 17-19, we are forced to make a choice on what we want to do for the rest of our lives? We've only lived 17 years, but yet, we are forced to make a decision which would have huge repercussions on our lives for the next 45 years! To think of it this way, it is quite unfair. On the other hand, if we do not make the choice now, what would we do with ourselves while we wait until 'we're ready'?

Why do I choose to be a doctor? The obvious answer is to save lives. Yes, that part is true. Another reason is that it is a self-satisfying job. With your own hands, you are able to give people the second chance to live. You have the ability to help unfortunate people. You are able to put your patients' benefits first and foremost, that being the utmost importance in your job scope - not entertaining clients, pasting on a fake, plastic smile for the benefit of customers, sidling up to your boss to get a promotion, backstabbing work rivals etc. My first responsibility is to my patients and do what is best for them, not sucking up to my boss and telling him what he wants to hear but not what he needs to know. I absolutely hate that part of the corporate world. It is harsh, competitive, somewhat cold and cruel. Everything is pure ambition - the drive to succeed, the race to make money. I don't think I would want to settle for being a plain doctor working in a clinic - I want to always be in action in the hospital. I look at the African kids with kwashiorkor, dying of poverty, disease and starvation through the TV screen. What comes across my mind is, why is it that I am worrying about exams the next day, when these kids wonder if they'll survive tomorrow? It makes me depressed, and I have the strong urge to help them escape these hardships.

However, the selfish part of me thinks of the negative impacts being a doctor would have on my family/ social life. There was this day when Dr. Tan came into my class, and she suddenly brought up the topic of doctor as a career choice for women with Diva (who also aspires to be a doctor). She was asking Diva if she wants to be a mother when Diva gave her a blank stare. I found myself asking her what is the problem of being a mother and a doctor at the same time. She answered that it is very difficult because of the long hours put into work. "And, what happens when your husband got tired of your working hours and started dating other people?" she asked. It was my turn to gave her a blank stare. I mean, I know the possibility of that happening to me, especially if I choose to be a doctor. But still, fancy a teacher predicting that your future husband having an extramarital affair? It kind of shocked me. Eventually, I answered, "Of course, when he married me, he should already known and agreed to my working hours. Otherwise, he wouldn't have..." She cuts me off and said, "When he proposed, of course he said that. Then, what happens later...." which I have no answer to.

Does she thinks that I haven't ran through any of those possibilities? I know that it would be a tough journey - 5 years in medicine, 3 years in government service and being an intern, then back to 5 years of studies for being a specialist. 24 hours on-call, irregular sleeps, in debt, flustered, tired, hot-tempered work days etc. But at the end of the day, my job satisfies me. I have some scenarios lined up in my head:

Scenario 1:

My pearl-wearing/ cardigan/ apron-wearing friends might all be married with the nice house + garden, trophy husbands and 3 kids, whilst I still may be the single-too-tired-for-dating-and-don't-ask-me-about-marriage-living-off-other-people's-romances person.

Scenario 2: Married to the husband who outwardly seems loyal, but is having intoxicating affairs with his secretary while I plough on at work. How typical. Divorce would surely be the outcome?

Scenario 3:

Maybe I would meet someone who truly loves, understands and accepts me for who I am and what I do for a living. In turn, I may not be the Nicole-Kidman-poised-and-elegant trophy wife who he can have by his side for work parties, but I would love him for who he is with all of my heart. But still, I have problems imagining myself as some one's 'wife' who have to do his bidding, wash the laundry, do the cooking etc.

Scenario 4:

I died while treating patients with contagious diseases in Africa. Don't laugh. It is a possibility. I guess if it's for a meaningful cause...

That is why I need the time A-levels can provide me to think through if everything is worth being a doctor for. In my opinion, whether or not I get to stay married (or even get married at the first place) and have kids is fated. Maybe I would get to meet my soul mate, but not marry him. It's all God's will. This is not something I can control.

As if what she said and what I thought through wasn't enough, Dr. Tan added, "Nothing's fated or is destiny. You choose for yourself what type of life you want to live." Huh. So, you're telling me if I chose not to be a doctor, my husband will stay faithful? I don't think it has anything to do with the career. (Well, maybe 40%) But, most of it is compatibility of personalities and adaptation.

This is why I said it's unfair that I have to choose so early in my life what I want to do. I'm a little scared, to be honest. At least, my aim now is to excel in SPM. (Though it's not like I have enough time to think about my next step after SPM if I were to start college in January 2010). Scary.